The Excavation

I named this as "the excavation" because I wanna find myself back in my childhood memories. I don't know why but I know that I have changed. I'm not me anymore. When someone insults me, I'll get mad easily against that person and I'll overthrow whoever he is.


Actually , I don't realize this kind of things are happening now. Until a day , when I was discussing going to study abroad in Singapore with my parents, when we had different opinions and point of views , I started to grumble and without any intentions, I said sth rude to her and my mouth couldn't say anything at that moment cause I just realized I just said sth really rude to my mother , a woman who brought me to this world eighteen years ago.


That was some time too, when I was in the kitchen, I was trying to help her to prepare foods for dinner, cause I don't have maid now, so I thought it was really tiring for her to prepare it on her own , so I tried to help . That time I forgot to prepare bowls for soup and glasses for beverages. That was my fault actually, but she yelled at me and said that I cared nothing about this household and I knew nothing about this house and she kept on repeating the same words for a long time " HOW CAN YOU STUDY ABROAD IF THIS KIND OF SIMPLE THING YOU CAN'T REMEMBER?" I was getting mad at that time so I yelled to her " DON'T KEEP ON THREATENING ME, IF I DON'T GO ABROAD IT'S NO PROBLEM". Soon after I said those words, I didn't feel that I was wrong to say those words, I was selfish at that time ,because I just getting mad without thinking how my mother felt . She was , she was being sad at that time I guess. So, all I want to say is SORRY MOM.


So, now , I'm trying to be myself again, when I was a child, when I was a quiet one,who obeyed my mom and dad. I don't want to be myself again now, I'm not me and I'm tired being like this, that I disobey them and breaking their hearts, denying the fact that I'm not a forgetful person , confronting that I'm not a rebellious person and against the fact that I'm making a chaotic situation in this house.


I realize that I only have 2 months left and it's time for me to re-think whatever I've done and appreciate everyone and everything that I've through in my eighteenth. Well, this kind of thinking makes me become a mature person I think, but I promise that I'll be myself again so that my mom will be happy and all of the family members will be happy to see me back to myself again.




SORRY AND THANK YOU MOM =)